you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
