you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
