so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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