how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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