I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
