she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
