I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize