i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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