i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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