so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize