we have officially lost it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Let's get the cat blown out
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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