I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am mentally ready for anal.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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