Your tits are I can't wait for
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
