Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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