My Higher Power is John Stamos
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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