Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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