You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
