Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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