So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
