i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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