I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I cut my penus on the lid.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
