I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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