It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
