I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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