someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
