i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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