u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
