You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
