The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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