I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
