how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
