I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
