My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
