I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
