Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
