They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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