I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
