she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
