My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
