Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
