thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize