there was a trapeze. enough said
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
