I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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