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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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