How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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