he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize