I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
