I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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