you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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