Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
