Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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