She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
