I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i have two assholes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
