sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
