I wish my penis had an off switch
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
