WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
