I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize