My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
