I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize