So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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