did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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