I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
