whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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