are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
