Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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