meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize