I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
