i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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