That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
