The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
