help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
